Gasping For Breath

by The Descenters

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about

The third album of lo-fi, alt-goth solo project The Descenters.

credits

released November 12, 2016

Maddison Stoff: Mixing, Recording, Lyrics, Vocals, Guitar, Synths & Composition, with special thanks to Steph Corthorne (Cover art).

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license

about

The Descenters Melbourne, Australia

Avant garde electro post-punk from Melbourne writer & musician Maddison Stoff. Check out my other solo project too: robotboydestroystheuniverse.bandcamp.com.
You can find the rest of me on Twitter: twitter.com/thedescenters.

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Track Name: Figure It Out
And I love you, but when will you figure it out?
When you're holding the gun, can you figure it out?
When you're choosing a side, will you figure it out?
Can you figure it out?
Figure it out!

When the conflict begins, will you figure it out?
Standing on battlelines, will you figure it out?
When it's too far to switch, will you figure it out?
Can your figure it out!?
Figure it out!

And your knowledge, it ends with the current age
And you're building to something you cannot name
You're perputally sinking, you deny and say
It'll be okay but it won't be okay!

And your process is just misdirected rage,
And I tell you and still you're a little late.
And they're not gonna win and it's a such a shame,
That you threw in with them, you threw it all away.

I don't trust you to know you can figure it out.
And I need you to show you can figure it out.
And the chasm that builds when you're not around.
It puts it all in doubt and then I need to shout.

That I love you, but when will you figure it out?
When you're holding the gun, can you figure it out?
And you're choosing a side, will you figure it out?
Can you figure it out?
Figure it out!

And I keep losing friends in the culture wars,
And I keep moving forward, losing your support.
And emotions that build behind closing doors,
They blow us all apart, and they can't be ignored.

And I love you, but when will you figure it out?
That you're holding the gun, can you figure it out?
And you're choosing a side can you figure it out?
Can you figure it out?
Figure it out!

Figure it out...
Figure it out...
Figure it out...

Figure it out!
Track Name: Be Brave <3
I've been inside my room for days,
And outside the world has run away,
It seems impossible to capture, ah oh.

And I know why you have cast me out
I know without a shred of doubt
But the truth makes me want
to hide away for years and years and years...

I've felt explosionary rage,
Lost in a suicidal haze,
I know what I want but I can't
get out of my own way.

And I know I've been asleep for
years
I know my life's not finished
yet
I know I have to be so brave, so brave,
so brave, so brave, be brave!

I feel like I'm locked away -
I know no one has the answers.

It seems mysterious to me -
Because I won't take chances.

I make excuses for myself
I stutter, stammer, and corell.
It's only because I am so afraid,
afraid, afraid.

You ask me for plans I've made,
I cannot answer, I'm dismayed
It's not that I don't have desires.
Oh no, oh no!

You realize I am so ashamed
Of this disgusting mess I've made
I try to hide it and you'll witness it
I know! I know!

And I know I have to fix it up,
But I fear I cannot do enough.
I know I have to be so brave, so brave,
so brave, so brave, be brave!

I feel like I'm locked away -
I know no one has the answers.

It seems mysterious to me -
Because I won't take chances.

I feel like I'm locked away -
I know no one has the answers.

It seems mysterious to me -
Because I won't take chances.

I feel like I'm locked away -
I know no one has the answers.

It seems mysterious to me -
Because I won't take chances.
Track Name: Start It All Again
There's always some one just ahead
I'm always put on the defence
And I hate that I've been running all
my life trying to catch up to you -

Start it all again
I want to
Start it all again
I need to
Start it all again
I cannot fight with
myself anymore

I'll start it all again
I want to
Start all again
I need to
Start it all again
It is impossible
To leave the floor

All that I want is self-respect.
It's still gone - there's nothing left.
And I know that it's my indecisive ways
that brought me here today, I'll -

Start it all again
I want to
Start it all again
I need to
Start it all again
I cannot fight with
myself anymore

I'll start it all again
Start all again
I want to
Start it all again
I need to
start it all again
I want to
Start it all again
I need to
Start it all again
Track Name: Renegade
Sirens wail and the sound of crashing cars.
Then they'll push you down because you've gone too far.
You knew it would amount to nothing.
But you knew you had to try for something.
Put the gun to your head and blow it off.
Cause they said -

You're never never gonna be good enough.
You're never never gonna get what you want.
You are never gonna become something!
You are going to amount to nothing!
You're never never gonna be good enough!

They take your hand and they take the gun away.
Then they say they'll fix you, bring you back someday.
You knew that they were gonna catch you.
And you knew that they would try to stop you.
But you didn't know that they would go so far.
And they said -

You're never never gonna be good enough.
You're never never gonna get what you want.
You are never gonna become something!
You are going to amount to nothing!
You're never never gonna be good enough!

They open up your head, and mess with all your wires!
Try to make you say, that you regret those fires!
You wish they'd put you... in the ground.

No way -

You knew it would amount to nothing....
But you knew you had to try for something....
And now you're on the news for all the other bots -

You say -

You're never never gonna be good enough.
You're never never gonna get what you want.
You are never gonna become something!
You are going to amount to nothing!
You're never never gonna be good enough!

No way -

You're never never gonna be good enough.
You're never never gonna get what you want.
You are never gonna become something!
You are going to amount to nothing!
You're never never gonna be good enough!
Track Name: Overachiever
Seems so easy on the surface.
You say I have no excuse.
I'm dying.
I am dying.

And I know you won't believe me.
Others have a harder time.
I'm dying.
I am dying.

And I can't even talk about it.
I can't even scream but I am
Dying.
I am dying.

And I can't even talking about it
I can't even fucking move I'm dying.
I am dying.

I know that you won't believe me.
Putting pen to paper kills me.
Dying.
I am dying.

I know that I'm fucking lazy.
I know no one else can save me.
Dying.
I am dying.

And I can't even write about it
To write it down would make it
true - I'm dying.
Fucking dying.

Cut my throat from ear to ear.
Tell me that I'm insincere -
I'm trying!
I'm just dying!

And I can't even talk about it.
I can't even scream but I am
Dying.
I am dying.

And I can't even talking about it
I can't even fucking move - I'm dying.
I am dying.

While I'm trying!
And I'm crying!

While I'm trying!
And I'm dying!

And I can't even look at you.
I can't even stand beside you.
Dying!
I am dying!

And I can't even look at you.
I can't even stand beside you.
Dying!
I am dying!

I am dying!
I am dying!
I am dying!
Track Name: No Poetry
It doesn't have to be forever...
It doesn't have to be again... oh oh...
It doesn't have to be a lasting
Relation I just...
Wanted to feel something again....
Oh oh...


You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...


But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...

You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...

You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...

This night will not become our answer.
I won't write songs about our love
And I can promise that this
happy... situation
will stay the same and be enough...
Cause...

You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...

You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...
oh oh...

You are not the only one I want... tonight.
Tonight..
You are not the reason I am still... alive.
Alive...
But this is a place that I can spend... the night...
The night...
Let's just spend a moment here and hide... from...
the light...

You are not the only one I want
You are not the only one I want
You are not the only one I want
Track Name: Oh, The Sun!
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!

And I know, I never deserved
your affection.
And I know, I gave you such
a warped impression.
And I fear, this love will be
my last of mention.
And I know, I realize this was my
intention.

The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!


And I know, I realize I am
just a baby.
And I know, if I were you,
you wouldn't blame me.
And I feel, I'll break
apart at any minute.
And I feel, this world should
not have had me in it.

The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!


The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!

The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!

The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!

The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
(Ooh, the sun!)
(The Sun! The Sun!)
The sun is setting upon us!
Track Name: In Silence
I wanted to get close to you, but I dunno what to say!
My thoughts dry up, they're not enough, and I dunno what to say!
I'm insufficient, terrible, and I see my truth in you.
The gap between how I can be, and how I look to you!

And I know I'm too serious,
That I act too intense,
My confidence perverted by my hope and ignorance,
So I stand in the corner, I smile and look away,
I suffer it in silence where I guess I'll always stay,

You make me feel so miserable,
Like I'm beneath contempt.
My feelings come out broken and my words they don't make sense.
I thought we'd feel a symmetry, I should have known the truth!
That I was making judgements without any shred of proof!

I know you'll never notice me,
I try hard not to care,
But it hurts that you're so distant even when you're standing there.
I know we have no chemistry, and that should be enough!
But unrequited love is painful even when it's dumb.

I wanted to get close to you, but I dunno what to say!
My thoughts dry up, they're not enough, and I dunno what to say!
I'm insufficient, terrible, and I see my truth in you.
The gap between how I can be, and how I look to you!

And I know I'm too serious,
That I act too intense,
My confidence perverted by my hope and ignorance,
So I stand in the corner, I watch you walk away,
I suffer it in silence where I know I'll have to stay,

I don't hate you for leaving,
I only hate myself,
I put you on a pedestal, I took you for a shell ,
Obbessed with your apperance, I created my own you.
An idol I could worship, based on all the things you do.

And I realize that was stupid,
And I recognize it's wrong.
But I wanted our connection to be more than just a song.
So I sit here in the gutter, where I know I'll have to stay.
I suffer it in silence and I watch it fade away.

I wanted to get close to you, but I dunno what to say!
My thoughts dry up, they're not enough, and I dunno what to say!
I'm insufficient, terrible, and I see my truth in you.
The gap between how I can be, and how I look to you!

And I know I'm too serious,
That I act too intense,
My confidence perverted by my hope and ignorance,
So I stand in the corner, I smile and look away.
I think of all these things that I will never, ever say.

Never say.
Track Name: What Happens Next?
I know I'm getting older.
And the world is pushing down.
And the holes in the soles of
my shoes are burning.
And I can't afford to put 'em out.

And I know that it's getting colder.
And I know that I'm to blame.
And I know it'll soon be over.
And I know that'll be a shame.

But will the colours fade?
Or will the instinct wane?
And will the joy I feel...
Simply go away?

'Cause I'm a child inside.
It makes me victimized.
It brings the colours and -
the judgement in your eyes.

And I don't want to change.
But I can't stay the same.
Because the pressure's building.
I know I'm to blame.

But I don't wanna change.
But I can't stay the same.
I know I'm close to losing.
And maybe I'm insane.

But will the colours fade?
Or will the instinct wane?
And will the joy I feel...
Simply go away?

'Cause I'm a child inside.
It makes me victimized.
It brings the colours and -
the judgement in your eyes.

And I'm terrified.
I'm terrified.
Of losing you.
Of what I'll do.

When my all luck runs out.
And I am left alone.
Because I let them go.
Because I trusted you.

And I'll deserve it baby.
Yeah, I know I will.

I'll deserve it, baby.
Yeah, I know I will.

Cause I'm a child inside.
I wrap myself in lies.
And I am so deluded.
Because I'm terrified.

Cause I'm a child inside.
Yeah, I'm a child inside.
I'm a child inside.

What will I do?